Being Single...

Remind me again why it's awesome..people are always saying live it up in your twenties, have fun, you will meet the right person at the right time..I mean don't get me wrong I know this is all a load of BS to make the single person non suicidal - but seriously isn't being single in your twenties supposed to be awesome?


I do that typical single thing whenever I get majorly bummed..like come up with excuses on why it's great to be a single lady in my mid-twenties. However, sometimes I have to face the fact that it totally sucks being single. I mean it can be fun from time to time, going out and meeting total strangers is great, when a guy offers to buy you a drink you can always say yes without thinking twice, when a hella cute guy asks for your number or compliments you, you can without a doubt give a super flirty smile back and then act on it, you can always and I mean always booty call after a few glasses of wine and it's completely justified cause that's what you do when you are single.


Getting white girl wasted with your girl friends is totally acceptable and won't damage the relationship with your boyfriend..oh wait you don't have one so go ahead and take another shot of tequila!



I am pretty much an expert at being single. I joke that I will be single for ever cause  I am ultimately the best at it. No one does it better than me. But I mean in the back of mind, I have to admit that I do assume that someday I will meet someone who is just as awesome as I am..won't I?

Who knows..life is a total mystery to me..my roommate is a firm believer in everything happens for a reason..and don't get me wrong sometimes I do jump on that bandwagon..but I wish there was a wizard who could explain why??..
Like can I get some answers here..I look back at the people who I have dated or "dated" and I am like..uhh Alex..no shit you're single?! What the fuck were you thinking?
So I want to ask the Universe..why are you bringing these people in my life, they are clearly not the one I am meant to be with, so what exactly was their purpose.  Especially the most recent ex-bfs- Universe, you have GOT to be kidding me!

These people came into my life for a reason?? Universe, I beg you, can you please stop making this so challenging and just send me a tall, southern gentleman, who is incredibly handsome, has a college degree, comes from money and/or a good family, who plays sports, andddd I may be a little picky..



I will never forget the time my mom and I were discussing my dating life..and she looked at me dead serious and goes "Honey you many need to lower your standards".

I kid you not people

..like woman, have you seen the losers I dated..I don't know if I can go much lower.
(Sorry, boys that was harsh, but then again sorry not sorry).

This could all be easily solved Universe, just send me Adam Levine..

Until Next Time..

Weddings...

So I went to a wedding this past weekend and it occurred to me that I am NO WHERE near ready for marriage. I also realized that you go through a serious roller coaster of emotions at a wedding..I think the open bar helped with that realization...

So I attended the wedding as the date of a friend. It was up in New Jersey, and boy was it an event. First off, the wedding was absolutely gorgeous. I mean straight off of pinterest, the bride was gorgeous, the colors were absolutely stunning, the location was perfect, and they couldn't have asked for better weather. The ceremony was short and sweet, the happy hour/cocktail reception was on point - open bar and more food than anyone could handle. We then had dinner, drinking, dancing, and dessert and it was an absolutely -what seemed like a seamless evening.

I know you are wondering where I am going with this blog post because so far I haven't bitched or moaned once..well here it is.

Weddings are supposed to be fun, entertaining, you expect to dance, drink, and most likely meet someone and have a wedding one night stand or fling. Or at least some flirting on the dance floor. But for me, all this wedding did was point out that I am extremely single.

Let me go through the various stages of the wedding..with commentary...

Step one: the ceremony - so every little girl dreams of what their wedding day will be like, who they will marry, what their dress will look like, what colors, etc. Now a days every woman has a pinterest board or a secret stash of wedding magazines that highlights certain aspects that they want to include in their wedding. I tried to start a pinterest board for my wedding - titled "someday", it was deleted after my mom told me it looked desperate..thanks mom. Anyhow - so while you are sitting there watching the beautiful bride walk down the aisle of course your head starts spinning with everything you want for your own wedding, I had to physically stop myself from thinking about it - cause it made me depressed. My wedding is still years..and I mean years..away..

Step two: the cocktail or happy hour - so this is that lull that happens while the bride/groom, bridal, party are all taking pictures. People start drinking, there are appetizers, and casual mingling. This is the point in the wedding where you try and figure out who is single and who is not. Who could you possibly flirt with on the dance floor and who you want to stay far away from..this is the fun part.

Step three: the dinner - so much good food. That is literally all I have to say about this. I mean it was buffet style and everything was incredible..sorry fat girl problems, this may have been the best part of the wedding.

Step four: dinner and drinking - so this is when you now have food in your system so you really hit up the open bar, this is where we separate the wedding guest and the wedding crashers, and what I mean by that is you are separating the family and the dates. This is the difference between people who get drunk and wild and crazy and have a good time and the family who drinks and has a good time, but keeps it some what tame. Guess which category I fell into..

This is also when you have the first dance, the father/daughter dance, the couples start crowding the dance floor, looking at each other lovingly either remembering or thinking of their own wedding..bleh. They play a few slow songs, a few fun songs, and overall songs you just want to dance too. Well of course I started thinking about what songs I want to play at my own wedding and ..then again I had to physically stop myself from thinking about it cause..hello like I said earlier..my wedding is years away..

Step five: closing time - at my wedding this song will play. It's like the ultimate "you don't have to go home but you have to get the hell out of here" song. I love when bars play it - so cliche - yet so awesome. Anyhow this is the time of the wedding, when the band starts to slow down, the last few dance floor stragglers are making fools of themselves, the bar is slowly packing up, the staff is clearing all the tables to "encourage" you to head home. This is when you see, hookups heading off into the distance, you see family and friends saying their goodbyes, you see drinks being chugged, the bride and groom are absolutely exhausted but still have smiles plastered on their faces. At this point in the wedding I am more intoxicated then I should be for a wedding where I know at most 5 people, but am the right amount of drunk where I am not sloppy but just tipsy and happy. The perfect drunk for a wedding.

Over all the wedding was a blast, it makes me want to go to another which is great cause I have two more next month..it also makes me want to get married which is not happening next month..you know what they say..you win some you loose some..

And for your enjoyment some pictures from the wedding..

So many drinks...

The drunkest girl at the party...

couldn't even stay awake on the way home

And of course at least one wedding selfie..

Until next time...

Broke as a Joke...

Has anyone ever heard that before? People say  I am as broke as a joke...
What does that even mean..are jokes broke?
I thought jokes were supposed to be funny and lighten the mood..there is nothing funny about being broke..


Now don't get me wrong, I am not homeless, or living off food stamps, I actually live a pretty luxurious lifestyle compared to some of the people I have seen on the streets of Richmond. I have a roof over my head, I shower daily, and I don't have to prostitute myself on the corner on the weekends..Amen to that. However, what I don't understand is that half of my friends spend their money on concert tickets, vacations, new shoes/clothes/accessories/etc, new houses, gifts for their boyfriends (don't even get me started on that) and other various fun things that I cannot afford..what gives? I want those things!



Let me be honest though, I do spend money on frivolous or "unnecessary" items from time to time, but that should be allowed I mean come on, "Treat Yo Self" is mandatory at least once a month. But most of the time after I get paid it's a total of 48 hours until I am back to my "broke status". After paying rent, bills, groceries, gas, student loans, random bills that pop up from the city (property tax, wtf even is that?!), paying people back (awkward), paying for the wine I need to get me through the day (more awkward)..I mean these are things I NEED to pay for. After paying all these things I am  usually left with what feels like 24 cents..help.




The worst is when I have decide between meals for the week or gas in my car, I kid you not one time I got $8 in gas and paid for my groceries with coupons! Like what??

How do people save money?! I swear I live pay check to pay check and nothing in the savings account to show for it. And I can't keep saying I will start saving next year because I have been saying that for the past three years AND I can't keep saying oh I will start saving when I am older..cause hello..I am older.


I do have a retirement account though, started that one while I was still in college (Whoop Whoop..can I get some gold stars for that or something!) It's not really that great since it's acquired like $2 in the past 3 years..thanks ever failing economy!


The best is when I talk to my Mom about being broke and she is like Where does your money go?! 
I want to be like Hell if I know but if you find it send it back my way, I need to have a serious discussion on why it keeps leaving me!


Sorry for all the bitchin and moaning today, I just really want to be able to buy a Medium Pumpkin Iced Coffee from Dunkin Donuts everyday from now until November without having to worry about how I am going to afford rent..



I need to find myself a Sugar Daddy..

Until my next paycheck..I mean until next time..

I seriously need a leash..

Well Happy Monday Ladies and Gents, believe it or not I am actually incredibly happy that it's Monday. I know that seems out of character for me but it's only because I needed this weekend to be over. Saturday night was one for the books and quite honestly after this weekend I needed the fresh start that comes with a Monday morning. So I will fill you in on all the details of my unbelievably intoxicated Saturday night.

Let me preface this story with the fact that we are currently in "Sliz It Up September" - now I am not proud of this, but the background story of this month is that it seems that I always am newly single at this time of year which allows me to have a few rebounds to clear my..um..head. So I had that in mind as I proceeded to pregame Saturday night with about 5-6 shots of Vodka, with beer chasers of course. I may vomit right now. Anyhow we continue to get weird, wet, and wild and I decide that Saturday night I was going to be British..yeah..you read that right - complete with my terrible but what I believed at the time was an impeccable British accent, which through out the night would come and go. Saying things like "cheerio porkchop", "you American's are so strange", telling people I was in an exchange program, called one of my best friends Hitler..seriously people I need to be on a leash.

I wish that was the worst of it but no..sadly..I also went to the bathroom with a few of my friends, because girls MUST go to the bathroom together, and while we were in the bathroom I was under the impression that the entire bathroom must be silent..as I do not remember this situation very well, my good friend did a fabulous impression the next day where I was banging on bathroom stalls and "sshhh"-ing everyone. I cannot imagine the dirty looks I got from the gals in the bathroom. While in the stall..with two of my other friends..I made my one friend chug the rest of her beer and then dropped the beer bottle in the toliet and stated "you gotta do what you gotta do, let's roll"...people who am I?

Now another strange aspect of the night was that their was a bride and groom there, who had come from their wedding so in dress and tux and of course in my beyond intoxicated state I decided I MUST be friends with them. My friends and I actually got a picture with the bride, she introduced me to her single and extremely tall brother..well that was a mistake..I can't even go into all that was done to him but that poor soul, he never saw me coming. The Bride also announced to me and my friends that she was going to Amsterdam for her honeymoon, well of course, what any drunk acquaintance would do - I insisted that she smoke a lot of weed while she was there and warned her that her husband would smoke too much so she needed to keep an eye on him...I repeat I need to be put on a leash.

And of course if that isn't enough, I can't end the night without drunk texting at least a thousand people so that I can wake up Sunday morning with the ultimate shame hangover. So last time the booty-text was "hey" this week was a little more aggressive "come here" ..let me tell you something people.."come here" is a fun one, the responses you get to this text are pretty hilarious. I won't give you all the dirty details because of course I did text one or two which I immediately regretted. But hey what are you gonna do..

Of course the night is all a blur, I only know these stories because one of my extremely generous friends decided to stay sober so she could drive us, I even insisted on paying for our "taxi ride" back to our apartment . She came over the next morning and told us all about the night that we had because the rest of us blacked out hard and I mean hard.

Pretty sure I should give up alcohol for good..

                          

and this is pretty much sums up how I felt Sunday Morning..

Until Next Time...

Happy Fall, Shout Out to my White Girls

*Warning - this post may contain offensive material...if you are white or a girl you may be sensitive to my opinions. Heads up!

Well people it's that time of year again..let the white girls of the world take over any type of social media you participate in.

For those of you who don't know
what a "white girl" is
please see definition to the right..




Welcome to Fall for the White Girl..

• Prepare to see a hundred pictures of trees changing colors..which are then filtered..
• Way too many tweets about yoga pants and ugg boots..and how comfy they are- we get it ladies, see-through pants and over-sized fuzzy boots are all the rage..
• A thousand scarf selfies, that may or may not include glasses and a duck face..
• One hundred thousand pumpkin themed pictures,... either pumpkin picking, the famous  Starbucks pumpkin spiced latte, or just a pumpkin..cause we all know those are cool?!
• And of course an ABSURD amount of engagement photos and announcements..

White girls LOVE them some fall. I sadly have to admit that I am one of them. I absolutely adore this season. I love that it's still warm during the day and gets cooler at night cause puhleassee I am tired of sweating all day er day. I love all things pumpkin flavored - I had my first iced pumpkin coffee this morning and it was awesome. I love, and I say this with my whole heart, I love leggings, big sweaters, and leather boots, scarf is optional but usually included.

Now since becoming an "adult" fall does not have the same appeal as it did in high school and in college - way back then it also meant football season and tailgating, it meant looking forward to fall break and thanksgiving break, it meant spiking your hot apple cider as you walked to class, and like I said before it meant legging, boots, and big sweaters. In the real world you don't get to do all these fun things, you can't wear legging. boots, and sweaters to the office, you cant spike your cider in the middle of the day, you don't get fall break (even though I have suggested it A THOUSAND times) and if you go to a high school football game you are that creepy alumni and if you go to a college football game you feel old cause EVERYONE there can out drink you.. UGH!

Even though, I am an "adult" I still enjoy fall but IT makes me laugh the way white girls go cray cray over this season. I always believed we would be in our prime time whiteness during the summer but boy was I wrong..Fall is really where we hit our stride! 

But let's be honest - I am already looking forward to this weekend where I plan to sit around in my leggings and sweatshirt, sipping pumpkin something, while scrolling and liking every tree picture on instagram and obviously liking every scarf selfie I see...sorry my white girl is showing...

Happy Fall Ya'll...

I loved this "how to catch a white girl"

 And from the oh so awesome BuzzFeed - 25 Things All Basic White Girls do during the Fall

That's all for now...

N.A.S.C.A.R.

Not. A. Single.Care. And. Rednecks

Well folks I survived another NASCAR race. And this year may have been the best race yet!

So for those of you who don't know, I am by NO MEANS a NASCAR fan. I think it's dumb to watch cars race around a track for hours on end. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be caught dead racing around a track at 100+ mph, I absolutely respect the drivers however I have very little respect for the fans and therefore not a single care is given at NASCAR (oh and there are a lot of rednecks)

This year I went with a fabulous group of ladies, my roommate and two of our good friends. Now the two friends were NASCAR virgins, had never been to a race before but they were on board to get a little redneck and trashy. So we dressed in what we think is redneck and trashy which consisted of jorts, cowgirl boots, and of course sported something american and a little trashy. See pictures below.


We started our morning off with several rounds of mimosas, country music and a pretty hilarious cab ride to the track *side note - I had recently watched Spice World - the Spice Girls movie that is on Netflix and my new favorite thing to do is speak only in Spice Girl lyrics - so as we are driving to the track windows down, mimosas in our systems, we decided it was a brilliant idea to yell things out the window such as "girl power", "every boy and every girl spice up your life", and "if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends". Obviously not the brightest idea we have ever had but definitely one of the most awesome...

Now let me clear something up - as I mentioned before I have no interest in actually watching the race, so we never buy tickets we simply love to tailgate. So the four of us arrived at the track with our cooler full of beer and ready to rage. After taking a necessary bathroom break (to break the seal - which is always the worst!) we cracked another round of beers and were on the hunt for a kick ass tailgate to get the party started!

Now people let me tell you the reason I love NASCAR - you have thousands of people outside, drinking, getting a little weird, grilling out, listening to music, and just being all around awesome. Everyone is in the best mood, willing to share food and booze and party hard all day and into the night. This is the breeding ground for a good time..and my friends and I took full advantage of it. We like to "tailgate hop"- we bop around from tailgate to tailgate seeing what kind of food, booze, and boys we can score. Through out the day we probably hit up around 10 tailgates, made some new friends, played some games, exchanged some numbers, drank, drank, and then drank a little bit more.

The festivities ended for my group around 5ish (because we had another party to go to that night) but leaving is ALWAYS the hardest part. You become attached to this scene and no one ever wants the party to end! Needless to say my group is already for the next time NASCAR comes to town...

And for your enjoyment some pictures from the event on Saturday..

Obviously a NASCAR selfie was necessary...

This was one of the first things we saw at NASCAR..

this Chewbacca/Sasquatch animal...still not sure why it was there

...but DUH we needed to take a picture with it.

Two of the brilliant and fabulous ladies I work with..

The Crew <3

The last tailgate we were at..

please notice the chaos and outfits..or lack there of...

See you in April NASCAR..

T. G. I. MotherF*ckin F.

I am not sure how I feel about the fact that the highlight of my week is THE end of the week. Ladies and gents this has been one helluva week and let me tell you something I could not be happier that it has come to an end. TGIF is an understatement to how I feel..can I get an amen.

You ever have one of those weeks when LITERALLY everything goes wrong..you're tired and annoyed with work, friends, co-workers, and just your life in general - please God don't tell me I am the only one here.

I can't live like this.

I am a mid-twenties, single, female and I live in a great city..I should literally and I don't mean this to sound as dumb as it will but..I should literally be living it up. BUT no..the break down of what mid-twenties, single, female is broke, not quite "old", SINGLE, girl who lives in a city that seems cool but is kind of lame when you have to do everything by yourself or with your other VERY SINGLE friends. Just trying to make it to Friday..

So what is my life? Is it super lame that the highlight of my week is the end of the week...EVEN THOUGH my weekend consists of  hitting up the NASCAR race and getting my redneck on, sleeping in, heading to a bridal shower to see some of my good friends from high school, consuming A LOT of wine, complaining about my life, and consuming more wine, probably shopping with the money I don't have and consuming more wine..

Wow. S.O.S. At least my boss brought in bagels this morning..

Until next time...

I didn't text you... vodka did...

Drunk texting..the white girls bread and better..I don't think there is anything in the world that I am better at and that is pathetic because it is the WORST thing ever..

The late night hit up after I have had too many beers, one too many vodka sodas, or worse after I drink wine - but really any combination of alcohol - makes me think and believe with my whole heart that texting an ex, a random hook up, or honestly any boys name in my contacts is a BRILLIANT IDEA. I then wake up in the morning with not only a slight (sometimes more than slight) hangover but the sickening feeling that I did something DUMB last night.

In college I "mastered" the drunk text. Cause right before I would go to bed after a night of drinking I would delete ALL MY TEXTS. This was genius cause I woke up with absolutely no recollection of any of the texts that were sent the night before. However, I did have a slight fear of who all I could have texted and what I could have said to them..but that usually went away after the first round of mimosas or hearing the other stupid things my friends did ( andddd I went to Lynchburg College..doing stupid things while you were drunk was practically a major).

So, this past weekend (Labor Day Weekend) where drinking excessively is pretty much required - I hit up not only of my ex's, but TWO. Winner winner over here. not. I guess I should say I did not hit up my ex's but the 7 draft beers I had at a happy hour on Friday did. Whoops.

THE BEST part of this whole thing is that I have gotten so lazy and un-creative at booty texting that I literally say "hey" - wow Alex wow. BUT let me tell you something people, it is a 100% effective. I think boys are completely baffled by this and curious of what I am trying to say. You can also tell I am getting too old to booty text because I texted each of them while laying in bed soooo as soon as I texted them I passed out - thank goodness cause lord knows where I was going to go after "hey"...

I wish Apple (or whoever creates emojis) would create an emoji that pretty much says "sorry I didn't text you the liquor did" but until now I will keep sending this picture the morning after..

Until next time...