Trick or Treat Betches

So Halloween is one of the only holidays that makes you question everything about life. Hear me out..

Where are you in life..are you still dressing up in homemade costumes, are you in a cute couple costume with your significant other, are you dressing up as a slutty nurse, are you taking your child out trick or treating, are you handing out candy at home, are you toilet papering the house next door, or are you sitting in the dark watching scary movies with all your lights off...



Where you are and what you are doing on Halloween night says a lot about the status of your life..

If any of you can take a wild guess as to where I will be and what I will be doing..I bet most of you would guess blacked out at a bar with some of my friends in a somewhat slutty but mostly cute costume..you would be right!!

I am going to let my costume be a complete surprise..so tune in on Monday for an update of who, what, where, or how I was..what I was.

But back to my original thought..so out of all the holidays that we celebrate as a society..Halloween is the one holiday that really separates the hot messes from the put togethers. I am a full fledged hot mess..I will own that too. Which is why I will be running around from party to party and bar to bar in my homemade Halloween costume and group of friends..judge away. I will also probably invest in a bag of candy so that I can "hand it out" orrrrr indulge in a piece or two..

Don't get me wrong, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays..there is nothing I love more than a good reason to get together with friends, dress up (or dress down) and rage until the wee hours of the morning! I also love candy, all things pumpkins, Halloween Movies on ABCfamily, HOCUS POCUS!, and of course little kids in costumes..because they are stinking cute! 

So for your enjoyment..some of my costumes from previous years past..I will warn you some of them are pretty awesome..

Minions..from Despicable Me

When my roommate and I went as "party animals"...

Clearly..we were unsure of our choices here..

Yeah..that one with a large bow on her head..

thought she was being cute as a present...

I think that is enough embarrassment for now.. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Gym Clothes..24/7

 

So this is a question to all my readers...are there rules to wearing gym clothes? Is it okay to wear gym clothes if you're not actually planning on going to the gym..


So I ask this question to you all because even though I have a closet full of clothes, drawers that are overflowing with clothes, and boxes under my bed stuffed with clothes..my staple, with out a doubt, go-to outfit is leggings, a big t-shirt, sneakers, and hair pulled back in a ponytail.


Whether I am going to the grocery store, going to meet up with a friend for coffee, doing some casual afternoon shopping, running errands, or whatever I do outside of work. Most of the time I dress this way without even the idea of the gym in my head.


It occurred to me the other day that I dress this way because I am too lazy to even put together an outfit..that my friends is a whole new level of lazy. I spend good money on clothes that aren't quite dressy enough to go out  in but are a little too casual for the office - why am I not wearing these clothes to run errands??


The worst is when I come back from the gym, shower, and then put gym clothes back on?! Not the same sweaty gym clothes I just wore but a new fresh pair of gym clothes..I mean who are we kidding, I am not planning on going back to the gym so why am I dressing like it?


Sometimes I do plan on going to the gym, so the most efficient option is to just wear my gym clothes all day..but even then sometimes I don't make it to the gym. I laugh, how am I ever supposed to find a man when I am dressed like a soccer mom 24/7. Unless that is attractive to some men..but I doubt those are the men I want to be attracted to.


So let's be real - is it okay that I am wearing these clothes all the time and dressing like I am about to jump into a p90x class at any minute? Or should I stop being the laziest girl in the world and put on a real outfit?


Until Next Time...

The Hundley Wedding.

I was honored to attend the wedding of Brittany Marks and Austin Hundley this past weekend. I have known Brittany since our Fluco days - this wild child has certainly grown into a classy, elegant lady. Or at least she can pull off that look really well :)

The wedding was in Crimora, VA and it was at the Crimora Mine Retreat which was an absolutely stunning venue. The question of the night was how the hell did they find this venue - cause people it was pretty much in the middle of no where but it was totally worth it.  It took me about two hours from Richmond to get there and you pull into this gravel drive way through this gorgeous old, what looks like a barn to this open field which is where we parked our cars. We then hopped in a shuttle to the actual venue which sat right on the water. Stunning.



The ceremony was short and sweet but nothing shy of beautiful - just like the bride - Cheesy I know, B that one was for you :) But seriously the ceremony was like ten minutes long, everyone teared up, we smiled, we laughed. and it had been over cast for most of the afternoon and as soon as the bride walked in and walked up to her groom and the officiant said please be seated..no joke this like ray of sunshine came out- unbelievably perfect. The bridesmaids all looked beautiful, the groomsmen all looked handsome, the colors complimented each other, and the ceremony appeared flawless.

After the ceremony was over, the bridal party headed off to take pictures and the guest mingled, drank, ate, and hung out. As soon as the bridal party was back, the bride headed straight for the food shouting "Babe I am digging in, I am hungry!' It was absolutely great. We all headed to our seats, grabbed some food and dug in. Everything was delicious!! Shortly after eating the speeches begun and they were so well done. The maid of honor went first, she shared times when they were little, some of their more awkward phases, it was great. Then the best man went, holy emotional, he shared stories of their bromance and everyone got a little choked up. THEN the mother of the groom went and honestly people there wasn't a dry eye in the house. She made us laugh, she made us cry, she talked about how happy the couple makes each other, and it was perfect - if you think I am over using the word perfect - I'm not.

After dinner, dancing, drinking, and good times were had by all. I won't go into all the dirty details of the evening, cause you just had to be there!

I am not exactly sure if everything went as well as planned, but Brittany and Austin you all threw one hell of a wedding. Cheers to you both on what seemed like a flawless wedding, may your marriage be the same. Best of luck to you both and congratulations on this new chapter of your lives. Love ya!

Now of course it wouldn't be a post by yours truly without some photos of the occasion!

Maid of Honor's Speech

Eli, loves selfies even more than I do 

The Bridal Party

The absolutely stunning couple...

Cheers to you both!

Thanks for reading...

Shout Out to LC 2014 Homecoming..

I have been out of college for about three years now, some days it feels like I have been out for two days and other days it feels like I have been out for ten years.

When you graduate college you feel as if life will never be the same and for the most part that is true. You think you will never see your college buddies again, you won't ever get to drink a beer at three in the afternoon, playing hooky won't mean the same thing, you won't be up late either pulling all nighters in the library, chugging redbull or at a club lax formal, chugging red bull, walking through the dell won't ever be the same, being hungover in the dinning hall won't be as awesome as it was in college..there are so many things that you can no longer do and it's one of the most heart breaking realizations that I have ever had..even to this day.

While all of that is extremely sad the worst part is that - you move on. After several months out of college most of your friends have gotten jobs, have hopefully moved out of their parents house, are now paying bills and student loans, and are pretty miserable in the real world.

This is also the year that you are STOKED to go back for Homecoming..you've been out for a few months but you cannot wait to get back on campus and start drinking immediately. You figure out where everyone is staying and when everyone is going to get there. As soon as you are back on campus..you either immediately head to someone's house and start crushing some cold ones or you all pile into cars and immediately head to Big Licks - Lynchburg's finest! From this point on you catch up, you drink, you reminisce, you drink some more, you probably play a few drinking games, you do at least one stupid thing, you drink some more, you do at least one thing that you regret, and drink some more, you listen to all the songs that were popular while you were in school and all the songs that bring back all the memories and you drink some more. Before you know it, it is Sunday afternoon and you are heading back home with the strangest and most horrendous hangover. You blink and you are back at your office Monday morning. The worst.

The second Homecoming rolls around, you probably have a little bit more in savings, you maybe have switched to a new job, maybe you even opened up a 401K. At this point you are a little bit more responsible and when Homecoming rolls around you think about skipping it because "you don't live that life anymore", but you decide to go anyway. Yeah you can still party like you used to. So you call up your friends and see who is going, who you can carpool with, and who is being totally lame and skipping it. This time when you get to campus you hardly recognize any faces, everyone looks like babies, there are new things on campus, and it looks like you never went to school there. Regardless you crack a beer and start drinking. This time it seems like you get drunk a lot faster, the kids are drinking much longer and larger quantities than you, you are ready for bed around 11pm instead of 1am, the music they are playing is too loud, and you see far too many people hooking up. You wake up bright and early Sunday morning ready to hit the road back home. You hug your friends goodbye saying Can't wait to see you again, same time next year?? knowing very well you will never ever be returning again.



Before you know round three is here and you didn't even pick up the phone to call your old roommates to see if they were going back. It's sad, unbelievably sad but it is the cold hard truth.It's okay though, cause even though you don't have this burning desire to return to your alma mater and drink your face off you know deep down you love your school, support your school, and you are proud to be hornet.

Cheers to LC Homecoming 2014...

Did it hurt..

When you fell from Heaven..I kid you not, people actually use this line..Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? Guys, really..come on.

I am a rare breed of lady because I LOVE pick up lines, I think they are funny, cute, and are great ice breakers.  However, I have heard some of the most crude, ridiculous, and just down right STUPID pick up lines in the last several weeks.

I have heard some of these in person, while at a bar on a Friday or Saturday night, while walking down the street, getting "cat-called" at, most of these I have seen/read on an online dating site, some I have heard from friends..but the one thing they all have in common is that a guy out there in the world actually thought that saying this to a girl was going to help him pick her up..

Let's break down what the purpose of a pick up line is..well at least here is my perspective. To me the point of a pick up line is to woo a girl, you want to say something cute and funny that sticks with her, that immediately makes her let down her guard and give you a chance. You want to say something that makes a great first impression and makes you stand out compared to all the other bozos that may hit on her that night. The way you deliver a pick up line can be pure gold.

I will not lie..I love a good pick up line, one that is smooth and delivered flawlessly..however here are some of the WORST pick up lines I have ever heard.


Boy: I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way and you'll be love'n it. Yeahh I am more of Wendy's gal

Boy: How much does a polar bear weigh..enough to break the ice, Hi my name is insert name of male here who is standing there with his hand out and the most awkward cheesy smile plastered on his face.

Boy: If I were a stoplight, I would turn red every time you passed by just so I could stare at you a bit longer. Well turn green and go..away from me!

Boy: Did you hear we're about to have one less planet in the solar system?
Girl: No what?
Boy: Yeah, I am about to destroy Uranus
Pause for dramatic and horrendous effect..

Boy: Should you be in jail??
Girl: Um excuse me?!
Boy: It should be illegal to look that good
And you should be in jail for the worst pick up line ever, we'll call it even..

Boy: Knock Knock
Girl: Who's there?
Boy: Dowey
Girl: Dowey who??
Boy: Dowey have to use a condom
Knock knock..who's there..you're an idiot.

Boy: If  you were a dog, you would be a hot dog?! Meow

Ladies and Gents the sad thing is I literally could keep going..but I won't instead here are some AWESOME pick up lines:

and of course the greatest line ever..

That's all folks..

Prince Charming..

So as a little girl you always imagine you will one day meet Prince Charming..his looks, characteristics, and style vary from girl to girl, but overall he is this dreamy guy that will come sweep you off your feet.


Some of you may have met your "Prince Charming" or at least married a man who satisfied your Prince Charming craving. For the rest of us out there, you need to give up. Sorry to be blunt. Ladies I realized, after being in the dating pool for the past few months that Prince Charming isn't out there.

 Let me explain, every man that we come across from now on will have  kids, an ex wife or crazy ex girlfriend, a criminal history, an STD or a number greater than 10 when you ask how many people he has slept with, a restraining order on him or on someone he dated, a crazy mother who cannot let go, or some sort of baggage, just in general. Now, before you freak out and call me psycho..maybe you can live with some of that baggage, maybe you have that as some of your own baggage.
Baggage is not a bad thing..at our age we all have some whether we want to admit it or not. I myself have some as well that I would rather not admit too but none the less it is still there.



Now, I am not saying that past relationships, experiences, etc should discourage you from pursuing a relationship with someone, however it does hinder our image of Prince Charming. This is when the reality slap hit..I may never find my Prince Charming, I may find the love of my life or my soul-mate but the flawless, handsome, some what magical man that I had built up in my mind will most likely be a handsome successful single dad or a intelligent, hard working, divorcee. None of these are terrible or tragically disappointing - it is just reality.




So before you start lowering your standards and hanging around playgrounds looking for single dads to hit on. Take a deep breath and realize what I just said, you have known all along but were too afraid to admit. Keep your standards exactly where they are, but from now on don't write off the guy who was in a seven year relationship or the guy who has a little girl that he adores. These people may come in to our lives for just the right reason...

Until next time...

Brian Ivanasaurousrex

Fair warning to all my readers - this may be one of my most selfish posts yet. 

My dearest co-worker, Brian, is leaving our company today to head on to bigger and better things, and although I am so incredibly happy for him I am beyond distraught that one of my few friends at this company is leaving me.

Brian and I always joke that I have two personalities..one is the real me and one is friend me. Friend me is over the moon that Brian is leaving one company and venturing onto another opportunity that will allow him to grow and develop on his career path. Real me is pissed off and I just want to yell, kick, and scream - pretty much throw a 24 year old white girl temper tantrum. When he told me the news, over a Chick Fil A lunch because I literally do not know any other restaurants surrounding the office, my face just froze, which as Brian and I both know I have hard time controlling my facial expressions - I want to be happy for my friend, but how dare he leave me! He is the only person at this company that I can cry to, yell at, rant for days about the idiots in my life, I mean he is my emotional shrink, he knows this too people which makes this ten times harder. 

When I am having a great day, a bad day, a sad day, or the worst day ever I can call Brian. I have made him go out to lunch with me several times - that boy loves him a chicken sandwich so, it's usually not too hard to convince him.

So we have this thing at work called "jabber" it is essentially g-chat or if you can recall the famous AIM, it's a way to chat so that our company can monitor what we say to each other...yeah...anyhow, there is a setting or a status that you can put that is DND - do not disturb, when it comes to Brian this DND means nothing too me and he accepts that cause he understands my need to tell him something at that moment is far greater than anything he is working on. I have called him with a funny story, something creepy,  or an actual emergency and never once has he stopped me and said "Yo, I have my DND on DO NOT DISTURB me"...people..that is a true friend, and he is leaving me! Who else is going to listen to me rant, bitch, and complain about my life..

Now, I don't want to sound like this crazy, psycho, bitch, Brian has to put up with day in and day out, he has his fair share of venting time, well..to be honest it's probably 60/40..I will let you all figure out who gets 60% of the time..

Brian is one of the sweetest, funniest, smartest, and most genuinely nice guys I know. I honestly believe that no matter what his future holds he is going to kick ass and be a rockstar. He also might turn into a crazy old man who has like a thousand pugs, but if he does that he is going to be the absolute BEST crazy old man with a thousand pugs. 

He also knows that the only reason he is getting this post is because that the amount of time we see each other is about to decrease dramatically, since we have lived about 2 minutes away from each other for about two years and we've hungout outside the office maybe..and I mean maybe a total of 3 times. 

So Brian as you venture into the next chapter of your life I wish you the absolute best, I hope you one day actually silence the one who must be silenced, I hope on the first day of your new job that you wear only sweater sleeves, I hope whenever you go to Chick-Fil-A you think of me and of course the only employee to forever change our lives - Karen, I hope that you mud up when necessary, I hope that you get it gurllllaaaaa on your first day at your new job, I hope you get to live out your fantasy with a certain employee, I hope that you never have to write another email for St. John's again, I pray that you can always control your face, unlike myself and no one every has to ask you what is wrong with your face, and last but not least I hope you NEVER, EVER, EVER have to write another graphic email for Stonehill College (or whatever) again.

God Bless and Cheers to you Brian Ivananooneeverknowshowtospellyourlastname! 

The One and Only Izzy.

So my mom recently became the new owner of brand new puppy..now when I over heard about this investment, I was over the moon. What a puppy?! I love puppies!! Well, I have been puppy sitting for about four days now and let me tell you something, it is probably the best form of birth control anyone has ever invented. She wines, she barks, she needs to be fed, you have to play with her ALL the time, she pees and poops everywhere, she bites, she makes a mess and destroys perfectly good items. But guys..she is so...stinkin..cute.

Izzy is her name and she is a 10 week old St. Berdoodle - yep you read that right, St. Berdoodle, so she is a cross-breed between a St. Bernard and a poodle. So she is going to be HUGE. Right now you can still pick her up with arm and drag her where ever you want to go..but that won't last long.

Here are a few thoughts on Miss Izzy (or really all puppies in general)

P- pee..and I mean pee everywhere, little pee puddles, that you accidentally step on in the middle of the night.
U - unbelievably cute which makes you forgive them for the aforementioned pee.
P- playful - I don't know where all this energy comes from, but puppies can play for hours
P - pass out - until they passout from being playful for hours, and that my friends is so stinking cute
I- incredibly impatient (hey alliteration there folks, bonus points) - you can't do anything fast enough with a puppy, you can't walk fast enough for them, you can't feed them fast enough, sometimes you can't even put their water bowl down fast enough and they knock it right out of your hand
E - exhausting - from the playing, the peeing, the being impatient..
S - sassy - puppies are extremely sassy, they decide who they do and do not like, when they want to play with you and when they absolutely do not, it is fabulous.

Get for ready for an overwhelming amount of puppy pictures..which I am not sorry about at all :)

Playing with EVERYTHING in sight

On the car ride down to see my sister

When my mom first got her, 

stick in mouth not included

First time I met Izzy, literally love at first sight

There are no words necessary for this picture, 

but my mom included a caption on snap chat in case 

you couldn't see with your eyes what this picture is..

Stinkin' Cute!!

Playing at the park, 

she was phenomenal at playing fetch 

The cutest puppy ever. 

So I think the verdict is to keep her and love the crap out of her. 

That's all folks...

Animals..

Now, if you know me, even the slightest, you know I am a lover of all things Adam Levine. The man is gorgeous, talented, funny, has a great body, is in a band, is on a tv show, oh and did I mention he was voted sexiest man alive..good lord.

So, pretty much anything he does, says, wears, or looks at I have to have. I wouldn't say I am obsessed, I would just say I am aggressively into him.

Many of you may have heard the new song Animals by Maroon 5, how many of you have seen the video? I love my main man Adam and I tolerate his twig bitch barbie doll wife Behati since apparently "she makes him happy" - bleh, but these two freak shows get down right dirty in this music video.

See video here: Animals by Maroon 5

So there are so many wrong things about this video..

1. Don't tell me that twig bitch goes to butcher shops, I mean she is a stick, does she eat anything other than celery sticks?

2. Adam plays this creepy, stalker, nerdy, weirdo..um not realistic at all.

3. When he is like smearing animal blood all over his body..uhh this might be so wrong that it is right..

4. When he is walking around her room while she is sleeping..what, is she like the world's heaviest sleeper-  she doesn't realize the sexiest man alive is walking her room..he deserves better.

5. When she turns him down at the club..I can't..I just can't.

6. When he is like hanging slash swinging from the meat..I love you Adam but even this part freaked me out.

7. So when they are like having sex in her bed..did she just wake up to him in her room and was like oh hey let's hook up..alright Behati, props I would have done the same.

8. When they are hooking up with the blood running all over them..WHAT. IS. THAT. That has to be completely unsanitary.

9. The fact that they are naked. Meh.

10. The ultimate "what is wrong with this video" - the fact that he chose his wife to play the woman who he is obsessed with instead of me. The. End.

If you have not watched this video..click on that link above and tell me, does this video turn you on or make you unbelievably sick..its still a toss up for me.

Sorry Adam.

Mid 20's - BLEH!

So all throughout middle school and high school I couldn't wait to be in my 20's. I would see family members, friends, friend's older siblings, etc having a blast in their 20's. I couldn't wait, it looked absolutely glamorous. Now that I am here.. let me tell you something people, it ain't all that it's cracked up to be..

Here is what they don't tell you about this "fairy tale"..

1. Being in your 20's is so mutherfckin expensive..like what..we graduate college and have tons of money?? Is it just me or from the moment we graduated and got jobs our parents expected us to start paying back loans, switching bills over to our names, and in general expecting us to pay for things. The loan companies started calling me and forced me to start paying back my student loans. NO! I don't want too!!The worst is when my college called me and was like "Oh now that you are alumni would you like to give back to the college.." I mean give me a break, love ya LC but you are going to have to wait on that one.

2. Hangovers...these didn't exist in college. You had a crazy, wild, out of control Friday night - YUP - great you woke up Saturday morning and started drinking. There was none of this I can't move, I am going to die, I am never drinking again, bullshit. But nonetheless after a few glasses of wine I wake up the next morning and want to crawl right back under the covers. Geeze. My 21 year old self would slap me.


3. Engagements, Weddings, and Babies - this is the ONLY and I mean ONLY thing you can talk about when you hit your mid twenties. It's the only thing people do and it's the only thing people talk about..just be prepared and accept it.

4. You will want to be in your bed at like 8pm, and I don't mean to get frisky with your lover, I mean straight up you will want to be in bed...lights out..asleep- trying to maximize the number of hours you can be in your bed. I sleep more now than I did when I was a newborn..


5. You will never have a free weekend again..there is always a baby shower, bridal shower, birthday party, housewarming party..that you will have to go to. And after you attend this event you will be so exhausted from being around people that you will return to your couch or bed and not move again.


6. You will have to shower..like everyday..maybe sometimes more than once a day..yeah it isn't okay to show up to work in sweatpants, a college sweatshirt, and your hair in a messy bun. And that just flat out sucks. You will have to show up to work clean, presentable, and smelling of something other than alcohol. The struggle is real people.


7. Your wardrobe will suck, or at least mine does. When I left college the hardest thing was that I was leaving 5 closets..girls share clothes all the time. It's what you do - when you are getting ready to go out on a Friday, you probably browse your own closet for .5 seconds and then you go to your roommates or hall mates and search everyone else's closet until you find just the right outfit (you always do). Uhh..yeah..you no longer have access to these closets when you live alone, with one roommate, or with your significant other.


8. Sometimes when you get drunk, people will judge you. Yeah this was a harsh one people. So in my previous life, aka when I attended LC, if you weren't drunk, people questioned what was wrong with you - in the real world it's the complete opposite?! You can't go to work drunk, you can't go to happy hours and get wasted, you can't show up at baby showers or bridal parties and get sloshed, like what?? Why did no one ever tell me this?? This problem makes me question why I ever decided to graduate..


9. You have to be nice to people..EVEN when you don't want to. So you graduated college, you hopefully get a job somewhere doing something you don't absolutely hate, you look around at your co-workers and you realize you really only like 10% of them. WHAT DO YOU DO? Oh that's right..nothing cause this is the real world and no one cares if you like your co-workers. My piece of advice is find a few awesome people and don't let them go. At work I have a handful of people who are my saving grace - they make me not want to poke myself in the eyes every morning.


10. Last one AND the most important - you start to give zero fucks after awhile. You will stay in some nights instead of going to the bar and that is okay. Your FOMO (fear of missing out) will go away MUCH faster than you think, you won't get dressed up every time you leave the house, and if someone doesn't like you - you won't try to fix it - haters gonna hate. It's a great and terrible feeling all at the same time, but mostly great!

So people, being in your mid-twenties is not all that it's cracked up to be..can't wait to see what happens in my 30's...




 That's all folks...